Refining

My friend who prayed with me during my fear crisis asked this morning how I was doing...I thought I would share some of what God has done in the past 24 hours. I share to remain transparent and to hopefully encourage some of you as well. As the Hymn we sang this morning in church says, "so that all may see I triumph only through His power." My response to my friend was that the fear sent me to the foot of the cross. I have been communing with Jesus for the past day and through scripture, song and a booklet on fear (that another friend picked up for me at the conference) I have been loved by the Savior and His mercy. I have realized the sin of fear, I have confessed and I am replacing it with truth. Slowly I am finding a deeper and more stable peace. I will share just a few of the words that God has brought me to...

-"When I fear my faith will fail, Christ will hold me fast; When the tempter would prevail, He will hold me fast. I could never keep my hold through life's fearful path. He will hold me fast; for my Savior loves me so." (a hymn on the Getty's new album)

-At the heart of fear is sin - the sin of idolatry and unbelief.

-"We are immortal till our life's work is done." George Whitfield

-"Our lives are in the hands of the Savior King who is never taken by surprise and whose loving purpose can never fail." from Women of Faith in a Culture of Fear by Colin S Smith

-Do I trust this fear more than what God has promised me?

-Jesus is the living water

Praise God from whom all blessings flow. I am sorry this blog has been about me these past few days - hopefully the next few posts will be more about the adventures of the trip :).

Two Spirits

It’s a little over one week until we leave for Kenya. I wanted to share an experience I had this weekend and ask you all to pray in regards to it. I spent Thursday and Friday in Indianapolis at the Gospel Coalition Women’s conference. The topic was “Resurrection Life - In a World of Suffering” and the text studied was 1 Peter. Thursday was an amazing day of teaching and worship. It seemed as if this conference was so timely for our upcoming trip as it forced me to gain perspective - me in light of God and our details in light of God’s sovereignty. As I let statements like “don’t fear the shifting sand when God is the rock” bathe over me and the truths of 1 Peter settle deep within me, I experienced joy and peace regarding our trip. Excitement grew within me for our trip and all that God would do.

Then Friday came. In an afternoon session I opened my email to read a statement sent to us from Samaritan’s Purse regarding the terrorist threat level this month in Kenya during the month of Ramadan. Immediate palpable fear overtook me - fear like I have not experienced before. I trembled and I cried. Where had the peace and joy gone? The next few hours felt like a war. I later realized the war was between two spirits - the Spirit of the Living God and the spirit of the enemy. I couldn’t stop crying from the fear and the loss of peace. Thankfully I was surrounded by women of God who held my hands, laid their hands on me, prayed with me and over me, and gave me scripture including this now very precious one to me:

“Do not be afraid of sudden fear nor of the onslaught of the wicked when it comes; For the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught.” 

Proverbs 3:25

As I then spoke to my dad he helped me to realize the issue was a war between two spirits and we would have to discern between the spirits. It was while I was in the Word that I had peace and joy - this is of God, not of Satan. Real peace and joy comes from our loving Savior. Trembling fear is not of Him. I had prayed over so many parts of our trip - from the airplane pilot, to the meals we would eat. I had not prayed about terrorism - Satan took that unguarded area and struck. He knows my weakness is fear and he is playing that weakness to try to defeat and to rob. I have prayed against this fear. I have meditated on scripture over the past few weeks. The war is on. My God will win - He has already defeated Satan (Hebrews 1:14) and He will not let him win in my life as I am His precious child. 

Friday night we were back in 1 Peter where it says:

“Who is there to harm you if you prove zealous for what is good? But even if you should suffer for the sake of righteousness, you are blessed. AND DO NOT FEAR THEIR INTIMIDATION, AND DO NOT BE TROUBLED, but sanctity Christ as Lord in your hearts”

1 Peter 3:14

Our speakers first point was “Do not withdraw.” I will claim the promises given to me. I am blessed. Christ has all authority. I will not withdraw. 

Please pray for me in this continued struggle. Pray for real and deep peace and joy. Pray that I recognize the Spirit of God and “draw to Him as He draws near to me” and that I resist the devil that he may flee from me (James 4:7-8) Pray for this threat - the physical threat and the spiritual threat. Pray for our safety. Thank you.